so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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