drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I can text with my tongue
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
