theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
