So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
