So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
