you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
