wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
