im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
A+ Viking dick
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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