when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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