My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
