dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
try to milk me bitch
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