No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
