I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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