At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
