You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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