he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
worst night to have a conscience
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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