Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
it's great music for shaving your balls
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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