Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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