And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
