i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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