this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can I color on your dick again?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
