My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
