Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
