Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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