i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
