Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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