I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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