I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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