My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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