it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
