its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
