Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
