Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
The uberlube is also flammable
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
