the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
