He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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