He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
