By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I AM VODKA MAN
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
