I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
