i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
