I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
