The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Randomize
