"it" just moved
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
