i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't put those talents on a resume
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
