Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
