Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
