dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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