I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
This show inspires me to have sex in space
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
