My room smells like vodka and shame
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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