so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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