I want to walk on stilts...naked
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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