my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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